I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
