the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
