I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
