She's JV to your varsity
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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