I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
honey bunches of taint.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
