you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
