I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
