I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
