bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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