break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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