The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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