how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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