I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
