I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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