so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
