the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
