Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
