does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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