I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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