I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This is not my ceiling
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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