Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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