I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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