I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
