Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
