I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
