she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
