whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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