Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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