i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
