Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
