apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
someone owes me an orgasm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
