Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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