I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
