I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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