so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
