sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ruined the universe
Randomize
