i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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