you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
