but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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