remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
