hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
