is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
