I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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