Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
