She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
