drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize