Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
