Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
NoShamevember. You game?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
