I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to make out with him forever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
