i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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