I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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