if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize