would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
