I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize