I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
