It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
