My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
