just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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