whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
