How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
