Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
