if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
