I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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