So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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