Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
