Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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