it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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