Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
