So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
