its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
pray to the hookup gods
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
